on challenges

so, it turns out the most challenging thing about planning a wedding is actually the blogging.
who'da thunk it?
the ceremony, the party, the food, entertainment, rings, etc. are all small taters in comparison to trying to consistently come up with an entertaining blog for you people. you greedy, humor-hungry people.
i shouldn't have set the bar so high with my first couple of posts.
"wow!" you said, "jake and this blog are HILARIOUS!"
"he is so handsome!"
"what's he going write about in his next pants-wetting, laugh-so-hard-i-fart post?"
"i'm so happy for therese and jake!"
well, maybe you didn't say anything about how handsome i am, but there's a lot of pressure here to put up good content. i even have my bride-to-be commenting,
"we really need a great post this week to keep people psyched on our nuptials. they're beginning to not care."
"jake, don't you think you can do better than a lord of the rings post?"
in retrospect my first post should have referenced a less enjoyable movie wedding scene. i won you all over with the princess bride. of course you're all fans of that flick!
why didn't i chose something more like this?

then you would have thought i was all into sex with pies and junk and i would've had to fight to win you over. a fight worth fighting. but nay, i wowed you. you fell in love with me. then i put beyonce on the blog. WHY DID I PUT BEYONCE ON THE BLOG?! who doesn't love beyonce? why didn't i put rebecca black?

or this terrible song:

i could've come back from that. but you can't come back from greatness.
they say there's nowhere to go but up, but what if you're as up as you can get?

i could KICK myself for that post with the list of things to consider. i mentioned a harry potter themed wedding and double dutch and getting kicked in the lady balls and lighting considerations. GENIUS! i should've talked about the flower arrangements or the off-white vs. eggshell vs. pearl serving platters, or the 55 cent to rent champagne flutes. boring junk like that. honk shoo!
oh, and i keep posting pictures of us! ugh! and ROSE! why do i keep mentioning ROSE?! i should've learned from those damn welch's grape juice commercials! you throw cute kids at people and you win them over! if i had a cat-sitting business and i called it meowschwitz, i could get you to bring me your cats if i used ROSE as the spokesperson! even if you never saw your cats again! MEOWSCHWITZ, people!
shoulda woulda coulda. didn't.
i owe you an apology, dear reader. i made you think i was something i was not. on our first date i took you to a private beach where i had prepared an elaborate feast. i laid out rose petals and a quilt that i had quilted. he quilts! i played the violin for you. a song i composed myself. on a violin i built. i swallowed fire and a sword. i swam into the ocean and returned with a pearl. and a mermaid. i wrote you poems. i flew you to paris. on my back.
and then on our second date, i took you to applebee's. and made you pay.
and for that, i'm sorry.
i cannot guarantee greatness in the future. but here i give you my word, i promise mediocrity. i will provide you with pretty good blog posts from here on out. this i solemnly swear. till death do us part.

(i'm gonna kick myself for this, but here:)