my middle wife

(it isn't normally like me to write a post on here not full of jokes or making fun of someone or someone's race, or someone's beliefs... i've got a bad boy reputation to protect after all. but i'm going to make an exception, just this once. so here goes):

this post is about Therese. my wife.
she's a nurse, but she has wanted to be a midwife since she can remember. which is an awfully long time. i think she first became interested in it when she read rolegarten das viero capitelagt wie back in 1515.

then about a year ago (496 years later), she finally decided it was time to go back to school and do it.

so for the last year she was back at Seattle U learning how to deliver babies. she went to class. clinical rotations. she took call. she immersed herself fully in the program and in other women's vaginas (that's where babies come from!). sometimes i didn't see her for a couple of days (she was lost in some other woman's vagina! jk. just kidding). she didn't sleep. she didn't eat. she came home covered in afterbirth, blood, and vernix. for the last year all she did was midwife. it's an inspiring thing to see, someone so focused on making something happen (i mostly ate snacks while she did all this).  and the best part is the joy it all brought her (aside from the school-type work).

she worked tremendously hard. and now she's done. she finished the program.

and in an industry where jobs are hard to come by, people are going out of their way to create jobs for Therese. she's that good.

i am proud of my (mid)wife.
and you should be too.





















 (she would also like you to know that midwives and doulas are not the same thing)

okay. that is all.

"summer"

summer generally means a couple of things:
1. the weather is nice
2. school is out
so, summer has begun. or has it?
Rose is done with school, but Therese is taking summer quarter. So i'm still packing lunches and helping with homework.
and in seattle it's been crappy weather. so, it might as well be may. people were using the annoying term "juneuary" all the time. thankfully now it's july. oh, but the weather still sucks. i wonder what clever month combination they'll come up with next. julaprily or julember?
anyway, for the most part it doesn't really feel like summer.
more like "bummer" if you ask me.
ha. smiley face.
but i'm not one of those people who's mood depends on the weather. oh wait, yes i am.
so, dear mother nature, this is horse shit. fix it. or there's gonna be hell to pay.
kind regards,
jake

and now for some photos:

 Rose and her friend in Sitka preparing for the arena.

 Rose preparing for june.

Rose and i preparing for the bus to the M's game

I.V. LEAGUE

if you know me, then you know i hate needles.
well, if you know me AND you've had to take my blood, start an intravenous drip, or shoot steroids into my butt, then you know i hate needles.
if you're my wife, then you're a family nurse practitioner studying to be a midwife and out of practice on starting IVs and think it's fun to get together with your friends and drink wine and practice poking each other.
and that's just what they were doing one friday night when i got home. 
so, when Therese first said, "lemme start one on you." i resisted. she insisted.
i don't remember anywhere in our vows saying that i would have to let her shove needles into me. and if i did, i was tricked.
but the more i thought about it, the more i figured it wouldn't be so bad. i mean, every time i HAVE had to have an IV, they go in quickly and fairly painlessly. and i'm a super supportive husband. so, i drank a beer, rolled up my sleeve, and volunteered.

her friend Mel was there as the "expert." which i think just means she had more wine than the rest of them. and also she got poked the most.












Rose was there for support as i felt the "sting" or "pinch" as it seems they like to call it.
in the past, after that first "sting," i don't recall there being much more that happens. the skin is pierced, next the vein, and then the medicine goes in.
that is NOT what happened this time around. the skin was pierced, and then for the next several minutes my vein dodged the needle like Neo dodged bullets, or OJ dodged prison, or Frogger dodged cars.
Therese was persistent though. determined to get that damn needle in there. she dug around in my forearm for what seemed like an eternity. i think at one point it poked out the other side.
it's funny, in the photo, you can see the veins in my other arm kind of pointing and laughing. 


notice the the look of pure joy on my face. i never
want
this
to
end.

but eventually, i had to call it. i just could not take it anymore. i threw in the towel, raised the white flag, tapped out. i felt woozy. the color drained from my face. the one-beer buzz was gone.
Therese removed the needle and i spent the next several minutes face down on the table with my head on an ice pack.

it's funny, the last time i felt that way i ended up going to the ER and getting an IV to re-hydrate me. OH THE IRONY!

thankfully i have such a sympathetic wife. she obviously felt REAL bad for the arm excavation.

 

as a side note, Therese went on to stick Mel twice successfully. i went on to have another beer. Rose went to bed. 

we have not attempted the IV start again.

someone had a birthday yesterday

and that someone was reese witherspoon.

also with birthdays on the 22nd of march:
william shatner, matthew modine, louis l'amour, andrew lloyd weber, and stephen sondheim.
oh, and also therese.
for her birthday i got her the hunger games book.

this was a terrible idea. if you never want to interact with your wife again, get her the hunger games book. and she'll be as good as gone. it would have been a great idea if i didn't like her. but i do. hopefully she'll be done with it soon, so i'll see her again.
also for her birthday i got her tickets to go see mamma mia. exclamation!

this is a musical based on the music of abba. i would like to see a musical based on the music of ace of bass. anyway. i got these tickets for both therese and rose, since rose has a birthday coming up soon and they are both big fans. of the movie version anyway. i hope they won't be disappointed when they don't see meryl streep or pierce brosnan. and i hope the songs of mamma mia will replace the songs of christmas which are still echoing through our home. maybe i hope this.
i did get her one gift that i benefited from and that gift was this:

one dozen donuts from mighty o.
thank you me. and happy birthday, therese.

the flight of time

well, it's been nearly 16 years since i last posted something on here. i forgot i had a blog even. blogs are outdated by now anyway. 16 years later.
you just think something and it sends that thought to the "cloud" and then it's just out there for other people to see. or hear. or think, as well.
like this:

that's me and those are the people accessing my thought blog cloud. i have eleven followers. even that short, happy fat guy. he's likes my clog the most. that's what they call cloud blogs now. clogs. the clog type shoe doesn't exist anymore. just the foot type shoe. sadly. vibram five fingers are all that exist here. 16 years later.
and they look just as douchey now, as they did then.

okay, not really. i'm not writing this from the future. but the present. though the present is future of when i last wrote. by quite some time.
no news is good news? silent but deadly? time flies when you're having fun?
i dunno babs, but i do know this: therese and i are still blissfully married. we've had our ups and downs, sure. but we've really persevered. our love stands the tests of time. all of the tests. our love is like a cockroach. or twinkie. in that it lasts forever. not that it scatters when you turn the lights on or is full of preservatives.

but seriously folks. not too much has been going on. well, i speak mostly for myself with that one. therese is back at school so she can someday work in a baby making factory. she will be the catcher. a midwife. so, she works and goes to school and clinic and she moms and wifes too. she will be busy until august, then can take a breath. before she is busy again.
i seem to have a lot of free time. you'd think then, that i'd have more time for blogging. maybe i'll start blogging about uninteresting things. i wouldn't be the first to do it...

potential topics for tomorrow's blog:
1. which socks i decided on.
2. my weight pre- and post-morning movement.
3. three names i would not want to be named.
4. things i have that i wish i didn't have and vice versa.
5. how busted my bracket is.
6. oh the CRAZY weather we're having.

until then, i'll leave you with this:

much "I DO" about nothing. part one

ho hum. new year's eve came and went without much happening. it's now 2012 and we're onto our resolutions. working out more, eating better, speaking in the third person, cleaning out closets, etc. therese at work and school, rose at school, jake at work...
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.
wait?! what the?!
"didn't something happen between the last post and this post?" you ask.
oh, right. totally spaced on that one. WE GOT MARRIED.
doesn't it feel good to say you're going to do something and then to actually do it? like take a week off from drinking. or run a mile in under 6 minutes.
we said we were gonna get married, so we did. we trained hard. we trained long. we practiced till we were perfect, then we got hitched.
and i gotta say, it was AWESOME.
we had a small wedding ceremony out at my mom's house on the hood canal. and i do mean small. only the closest of family and friends were there. we would have loved to have more folks there, but many important people were not invited to the wedding. mitt romney wasn't there, for example. and those people should thank us. had they been there, they would probably have been sitting on laps of other people that were there. and that could prove to be uncomfortable and distracting. and it may have ended with someone getting pregnant. you know how weddings can be...
everyone who was supposed to say "I do," said "I do." including, but not limited to Therese and I. Therese's brother Josh performed the ceremony. he did a bang up job. he may have a future in this. just as Therese and I may have futures in getting married. we both did great. and rose too! rose walked me down the "aisle" and therese's dad walked her. my nephew dylan played ring bearer. better than gollum, for sure. my friend Dave and his lady Alex sang some songs. they made me cry unicorn tears they were so beautiful. my mom channeled her inner top chef and fed us the most delicious foods. the only real complaint on my part was that everyone was crying. hold it together people! i mean seriously.
therese looked bored most of the time. like this:

people said some real nice things after the ceremony. and we love those people that were there. and we say nice things back. or at least we think them.
maybe some pics will come soon. if you're lucky.

here are the songs dave and alex played, sang, recited.
(disclaimer: this is NOT them performing at our ceremony)

and:
(this IS actually them)