I.V. LEAGUE

if you know me, then you know i hate needles.
well, if you know me AND you've had to take my blood, start an intravenous drip, or shoot steroids into my butt, then you know i hate needles.
if you're my wife, then you're a family nurse practitioner studying to be a midwife and out of practice on starting IVs and think it's fun to get together with your friends and drink wine and practice poking each other.
and that's just what they were doing one friday night when i got home. 
so, when Therese first said, "lemme start one on you." i resisted. she insisted.
i don't remember anywhere in our vows saying that i would have to let her shove needles into me. and if i did, i was tricked.
but the more i thought about it, the more i figured it wouldn't be so bad. i mean, every time i HAVE had to have an IV, they go in quickly and fairly painlessly. and i'm a super supportive husband. so, i drank a beer, rolled up my sleeve, and volunteered.

her friend Mel was there as the "expert." which i think just means she had more wine than the rest of them. and also she got poked the most.












Rose was there for support as i felt the "sting" or "pinch" as it seems they like to call it.
in the past, after that first "sting," i don't recall there being much more that happens. the skin is pierced, next the vein, and then the medicine goes in.
that is NOT what happened this time around. the skin was pierced, and then for the next several minutes my vein dodged the needle like Neo dodged bullets, or OJ dodged prison, or Frogger dodged cars.
Therese was persistent though. determined to get that damn needle in there. she dug around in my forearm for what seemed like an eternity. i think at one point it poked out the other side.
it's funny, in the photo, you can see the veins in my other arm kind of pointing and laughing. 


notice the the look of pure joy on my face. i never
want
this
to
end.

but eventually, i had to call it. i just could not take it anymore. i threw in the towel, raised the white flag, tapped out. i felt woozy. the color drained from my face. the one-beer buzz was gone.
Therese removed the needle and i spent the next several minutes face down on the table with my head on an ice pack.

it's funny, the last time i felt that way i ended up going to the ER and getting an IV to re-hydrate me. OH THE IRONY!

thankfully i have such a sympathetic wife. she obviously felt REAL bad for the arm excavation.

 

as a side note, Therese went on to stick Mel twice successfully. i went on to have another beer. Rose went to bed. 

we have not attempted the IV start again.