You don't bring me flowers anymore. And by "flowers" I mean blog posts.

So, it's been seven years since my last post on here. I half expected my account to be shut down due to inactivity when I logged in. I also less than half expected, maybe an eighth expected there to be some ghost writer on here, keeping up on it for me. But then I remembered I don't believe in ghosts. And if I did, they'd be haunty-type ghosts, not writer-type ghosts.
Where have I been, you might ask. Well, I've been impregnating my wife mostly. Well, once. That's all it takes. We are going to add a baby to our family! Soon too! In September. An annoying thing about pregnancy is that everything becomes "we" when you and your spouse or baby mamma are going to have a baby.
"We are pregnant."
"We are due on September 13th."
"We have an ultrasound today."
"We are annoying."
Regardless of how annoying, we are SUPER excited for this baby (we call the baby Earl) to come. But not so excited that we want Earl to come early. As you probably know, Rose came early. And if you have one baby early, there's a decent chance you'll have subsequent babies early. So Therese gets a shot in her butt every week to keep the Earl in there.
We don't know if Earl is a boy or a girl. We're not going to find out until s/he's 6 years old. We are mostly hoping that Earl is just one sex, because being two sexes would be difficult. I bet. No offense to my hermaphroditic readers, but I read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides and it seemed tough for the child. Especially the first hundred or so boring as hell pages about growing up in Greece or something. I skipped those pages actually. Then the book got good. Anyway, we want Earl to have either just lady parts OR boy parts.
Earl is due on Friday the 13th in September. I like to make a joke that if s/he comes on time, we're going to name him Jason Voorhees. No one (except Dave) ever gets that joke. And there's nothing more annoying than having to explain a joke. NOTHING. Except maybe five finger toe shoes. Or smoking.
Speaking of baby names, if you ever have a baby and people ask you "do you have a name picked out?" tell them "no." Even if you do have a name picked out. It's funny to see/hear their reaction when you tell them what you're thinking. Generally they won't like the name. And they'll let you know. But if you wait until the baby is born and you introduce them, "hey everybody, this is Seephus," no one will say, "wow, that's a silly name." And if someone says that, then put one of Seephus's full diapers under the driver's side seat of their car. And then see who has a funny name.
I think that about gets you up to speed on our goings on. Here are some pictures: